bluelemontree (bluelemontree) wrote in ukneighbours,

neighbours updates w/e 27/1/06

Well this week was so so althought i wish someone would bomb the outcast island that dylan and connor are on. And put Janae there while they are at it.

We begin this week on Outcast Island, where Dylan is busily spearing fish. Now he is using a big stick and im all like did you ever watched shripwrecked? Lost? Cos it doesn’t work. Oh but it does, these fish are obviously a bit slow. He and Connor have built a fire and sit down to a tasty dinner. Another thing they are using a lighter? Since when did anyone in neighbours smoke, and lets me fair I know that if a lighter gets really wet (a washing machine, an ocean etc) it doesn’t bloody work. COME ON NEIGHBOURS WRITERS. It's remarkable that it's been a couple of days and they are both clean shaven. And remember how last week their island seemed to be all rocky and next to the sea? This week it has grown a lot of trees and is now situated near a river. In fact, it looks remarkably like the wilderness Paul was lost in and Izzy's car was found in. Wow, it must be magic!

The Erinsborough News team must be thrilled they have some actual news to report on and have put pictures of the missing Ramsey St folk on the front page. The only problem Harold has with it is that apparently they spelt Lil's name wrong. We-hell, won't she be angry then when she gets back alive and finds out! Hazza is still apparently coked up as he still seems to in denial.

Lyn is on the phone to Janelle in Tasmania, who says they still haven't found Dylan. Janae and Bree go to school. Lyn tells Joe she doesn't know what to say to them. Joe asks where their dad is and asks what sort of dad doesn’t turn up. Hey Joe? I'm a kettle. I think you just called me black.

Right on cue, an old daggy van drives up with an old daggy man inside it. He's balding and grey and appears to have stolen one of Toadie's old loud shirts. Apparently this is Kym Timmons. Actually I think it's funny that anyone would call their kid Kym Timmons. Bree obviously got a gene mutation when she was actually born with some brain cells.

Susan tries to talk to Harold about the possibility of his family not coming back and points out that it's been 3 days and the search has been called off. Harold still calmly says that God will save them. Harold has an incredible amount of faith seeing how unkind God has been to him in the past.

Janae is playing up the sympathy angle for all it's worth and spends a while sobbing to Boyd. She says she's never had a boyfriend before that she could talk to. She thinks she's all grown up now. They're all smoochy. This is doing the diet no end of good as I am sick everytime.

Kym has somehow located where the Timmons are staying and has driven up to the Scully house. Janae recognises it and runs back into Boyd's house. Kym knocks at the door, Bree answers it and throws herself at him. Im surprised she didn’t squash him quite frankly.

Dylan tells Connor he's not helping to catch food and tells him to spear a rabbit. Connor tries to and gets right up close to see it sitting calmly and looking at him. Which is funny because I always thought rabbits tend to run away as soon as they sense any movement metres away. This really is a magic island! Naturally Connor just can't do it, he looks at it like it’s the easter bunny or something.

Bree asks Kym if he's going to stay. He says he will. Nice that they're all thinking of asking Lyn. Kym says he can't stop thinking about Dylan and wants to make an effort with the kids he has left. Apparently there are two older kids called Dwayne and Brandon. My GOD. I thought Janelle said she had Dylan when she was 15. She must have been shooting them out since she was what, 13? Joe, Lyn and Janelle get home. Janelle takes one look at Kym and delivers a very pissy little slap to his face. They all gasp at her brazenness anyway. She tells him he has to go. She flounces off and leaves them all looking awkward. Kym leaves. Lyn tells Joe to go after him and talk to him to find out more about him.

Joe and Kym go to the bar for a beer. He tells Kym straight out that Lyn sent him out to "suss him out." He tells him he thinks he's a complete bludger. Kym says he's lost a son and tries to look sad and teary. His acting is completely pathetic and he clearly looks like he's trying to remember lines any time he talks. So he's going to fit right in! oh and apparently he is Lils husband is real life. Well would you look at that.

Janelle tells Bree to forget about Kym. Bree says they need their dad and if Janelle doesn't let him stay she will leave and live with Kym. Janelle relents a bit here and considers how much they would save on the family food bill if she did.

Connor has found some berries to eat. Dylan is cooking some more meat. He won't let Connor have any because he didn't help catch it. Dylan says, "We make up our own rules. We say what's normal." I think someone's desperately in need of a friendly game of volleyball, being a magical island and all there is bound to be one here somewhere.

Bree tells Janelle she's going to go and live with her dad and starts packing. Janelle relents and says that Kym can stay. She says she doesn't want all his friends hanging around because it isn't some kind of "halfway house." Insert your own joke about Susan's house here.

Janelle finds Kym at the pub and tells him he can stay but he has to sleep in the van. Funny though, I don't think we've actually SEEN the van for a few weeks now. Isn't it supposed to be parked out the front of the Scully's? And none of the Timmons ever seem to spend any time in it, despite the fact that was supposed to be their agreement.

Connor is asleep and dreams about losing Serena in the water. Then he wakes up and sees Dylan howling at the moon. Dylan has clearly lost it at about this point.

All the Timmons kids and Janelle sit down to eat and pay out Kym. Only Bree defends him. Lyn still hasn't made an appearance. Janae is mad at him because he wouldn't see her when she went all the way to Colac. He says that was because Janelle rang and told him he couldn't talk to any of the kids. Janae asks why he listened to Janelle. He says that she threatened to dob on him. Apparently his parents are rich and when he and Janelle got together they said they would give him money if he got rid of Janelle. Then they later said they would give them money and a house but Kym was too proud to accept it and so he and Janelle had to live in poverty. I think. He's in the shit somehow.

Connor gets up and Dylan is running around like Mowgli from the Jungle Book. At least they have some beard stubble now. Connor asks what he was doing last night and he says he and Sky used to howl at the moon to let off steam. What, right in Ramsey Street?

Paul is trying to evict Karl from Lassiters. Just, you know, for fun. Karl goes to Toadie for legal advice because that's what they all do. Toadie says a few boring legal phrases that I think mean there's a way out but Karl says he's thinking of going overseas. Um, is it just me or has Karl been intending to go overseas for months now? Didn't he go and visit Mal not long ago?
Stuart talks to Paul about the plane being investigated. Paul says accidents happen. Stuart asks if he still thinks it was an accident. Paul says he thinks it was. Stuart points out that quite a few people hate Paul. Such as a guy called Tony Corbett, who I think had something to do with that whole Erinsborough expansion.

The kids get shitty at Kym and Janelle says they could have been rich. She yells at him for leaving them.
Bree brings Kym some cake. He's at the general store. He thinks they made it for him and she says they got it discounted at the shop because someone had squashed it. Pure class. They talk for a bit. She's obviously trying to be someone's favourite Timmons seeing as Janelle's had Stingray booked in for years now.

Janelle admits to Janae and Stingray that Kym never cheated on her and she just said that so the kids would take her side. She gets all teary and sorry for herself.

Connor has made a wreath with some flowers. Apparently it represents Serena. Then he ceremonially burns it on the fire. Connor, that represents what many people would like to do with her but it doesn't seem so nice coming from you. Will that be happening with her real body too, if it washes up? Connor has also finally caught a rabbit to eat. Dylan decides to make friends again. There must be only so long you can talk to yourself and other inanimate objects. Although I would have thought Dylan would be used to it living with the Timmons family.

Paul is on the phone working out Karl's eviction order and Karl comes over with his written response from Toadie. Karl says Paul is jealous of him because Izzy rang Karl to tell him she loved him on the Death Flight. He says Izzy only got with Paul because she was after his money. Karl says he has Izzy's love and doesn't want it and it must be killing Paul. Then he leaves, very pleased with himself.

Izzy and Elle get home from hospital, all buddy-buddy now because they've, like, nearly died and shit.

Toadie and Stuart argue over the robbery. Toadie thinks Dylan is innocent and believes their story. Stuart doesn't and for the first time actually points out that they shouldn't be discussing it outside of the police station. But Toadie never worries about any of that legal technical crap and just keeps talking. Stuart starts to wonder. He calls in the servo till boy and goes over the security video again, pointing out that the robber only put on the disguise after he got into the shop and apologised to the till boy. The till boy doesn't seem to give a toss and is cranky that he has to come in and answer all the questions again. The angry cop comes in and yells at Stuart. Stuart says he really thinks they may be wrong and the cop suspects he was talking to Toadie. He tells Stuart he'll lose his job if he interferes any more.

Stingray plays the current favourite Timmons game of Guilt Tripping Kym. Kym finally snaps and says he can see why all the kids hate him. He suggests they go surfing. Stingray points out that it was Dylan who he taught to surf and that Dylan was everyone's favourite. Which is odd because I always thought they all hated Dylan and thought Stingray was the favourite. Kym offers to teach him to surf and brings in his board so they can practice on the couch. It's clear he's never been on a real surfboard in his life. Then they go to do it for real. Which is quite tactful considering Dylan allegedly drowned less than a week ago. They could be swimming in the same water that's been washing over his bloated corpse.

Ned lets Lyn in on his secret, because he wants her to make him a costume. Obviously we're supposed to think he's going to wrestle like the Lawman and the Green Fairy or whoever Connor was called. He puts his foot in his mouth when he thinks Oscar is her grandson. Lyn starts to feel like people think she's too old to be a mum. Which we do. And which several people pointed out to her before she tried to get pregnant but would she listen then? You've made your bed, Lyn Scully.

Paul talks to Izzy. She's decided not to work at Lassiters and work full time at the Scarlet Bar. Paul says he doesn't mind this and he loves her. He waits for her to say it back but she can't. She says she doesn't want to lie and wants a relationship based on truth. Paul nods. And then tells her to get out. Because Paul just wants something to shag.

Ned is at the hall with Ellie. People are singing. Gradually we deduce that it's the Erinsborough production of the Pirates of Penzance and Gino is directing. Wow, Ned's doing something singing related! Who would have thought? Ned gets up to audition in his pretty little pirate costume Lyn's made him. At first his backing tape doesn't work. Ellie points out that it was in the wrong way. He has another go. His performance could pass for an first round x factor audition gone wrong. His voice isn't terrible but it's completely wrong for the part and for musical theatre. And quite out of tune and weak on the high notes. Then another guy gets up who's obviously Gino's toy boy. And his name is Corey, for fuck's sake. This guy's voice isn't brilliant either and keeps cracking but is still better than Ned's. He sinks to his knees with his mouth wide open at the end, clearly giving Gino a promise of what he'll get that night if he gets the part. Gino nearly has an orgasm then and there and gives Ned a smaller role and the main role to his toy boy. Harold and Lou also rock up and have a go. At singing, I mean. Not offering Gino a blow job. Though I wouldn't put it past Harold if he was desperate for a part.

Izzy sees Karl at the bar and is making the most of her near death experience. She tells him she knew that she loved him and always will. Karl says he thought he was over her but the message changed his mind. He kisses her. Then he laughs. He was joking. He says she and Paul were made for each other and poonces off. Karl's just been on fire for the past few days.

Alex asks Susan what she'd like for the wedding and thinks she'd want something small and intimate. Strangely, Susan says she wants something massive and tacky. Well, she's already had two small ceremonies with Karl and after Alex kicks the bucket she's probably going to wind up marrying Karl AGAIN so what the hell, try something different.

Harold tells Lou how excited he is about the play. The phone rings. Harold says it's probably a wrong number. Joe gets it. Harold continues to blabber. Joe hangs up and says they found David's body and they want Harold to identify it. [Insert that noise off of Family Fortunes when you said an answer that wasn't on the survey]. Thank you for playing Optimism, Harold Bishop. But game over. You get some great prizes to take home, including a personal letter from God saying how much fun he's having screwing with your life.
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Hahaha the Gino bit was brilliant.
Doesn't the Susan/Alex relationship make you retch?
Anyway, I enjoyed this.
oh god yea, he better hurry up and die soon that alex or i am going to do it for him!