“Knowing Bree, knowing you” 27/12/05
Now i love this title, it is going into fabulous neighbours titles. This week was slightly more interesting than last. It all starts with Alex and Super Doc Karl. Karl tells super annoying Alex that he is only wanting to marry susan cos of the kids (muder the kids i say) and he is outraged HE IS NOT GOING TO DIE (man sooner rather than later neighbours writers) Look Alex if i were you id listen to super duper doc. Karl.
So this is where the stupid Janane and Boyd shit is gonna start. Boyds listens, tell Janae some stuff. BLAH BLAH BLAH WHO GIVES A FUCK. BOYD AND SKY UNITED TOGETHER.
Steph seems to have overcome her superbitch routine as she not only changes joes shirt but also makes a candlelit dinner for Lynny and Joe to celebrate bouncer 5's victory. Seriously she is having serious personality disorder issues - go see Karl stephy.
Back to some Janae shit. But as i am more interested in ripping my hair out i am not going to discuss this shit story. DONT BE AVALIAVLE JANAE HE WILL COME TO YOU. yes neighbours you have reall outdone yourself on this one.
Now this is where i laughed this week: rachel is explaining to Zeke about his hot love for the bree. He did the maths and realised he must be in love. Now next time you dont know how you feel ask rachel she seems to know, blah blah moving onto the break brees heart and watch her eat part so i can laugh.
Alex then pisses me off. Hes a shit stirrer if i even i have seen one DIE ALEX DIE.
Its then all happy clappy fluffy shit with Lyn and co in the scarlett bar. I want steph to be a bitch so i can hate her. Its more fun to hate. DIE ALEX DIE. see.
The list: before the annoying shitty kid comes along: i wanted to tell steph not to run about she might cause an early labour and Karl isnt about. Hmmm who cares about the list.
Susan shouts at Karl: this is sexual tension if i ever saw. Karl is obv so much better in bed than shit Alex.
Bree is asked out by Rat Face: ah i can see the tears coming!
Janae plays hard to get.
Some shitty voiceover with Janelle: life doesnt get better than this.
Back to the list another boring storyline. Oh and steph so clearly wears the trousers.
Janelle tries to make up with Lyn, this bores me to tears really because i cannot think of two people i would not want to be friends with Janelle and Lyn, ah they make me sick.
Susan tells Zeke he is looking mighty fine. Ah well yea for a rat, maybe Sus can move onto Zeke when Alex dies cos lets be fair she has been getting through the men since her and karl broke up. Hmmm the hussy. For someone who is meant to be really bright Zeke is thick as shit. I just thought i would share this observation with you. Poor Bree i can see the downfall coming HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH sorry i love it. Then there is this stupid scene about Suse and how shes so glad she has a family again. Ah man melts the brain.
Then we go to super Karl. He is seeing life mechanics guy and trying to explain his illness blah blah
super karl to the rescue. Then Karl is of course seeing steph and then steph knows life mechanics guy, cos you know he like totally told her that her illness was totally her own fault, and that he totally tried to blame it all on Stu. Wowsers stus gonna be happy to hear this. I have two points. 1. Would karl not remember all this shit going on? hmmm 2. why in gods name if you were life mechanics guy would you come back to the same area you caused loads of shit? YEA RIGHT NEIGHBOURS WRITERS THINK THINK THINK
SOME MORE JANAE AND BOYD SHIT
BREE EATS MORE MINTS THAN I HAVE EVER SEEN. HA BREE KISSES RATBOY HE FREAKS. BREE CRIES. LOVE IT. THEN SHE EATS MORE CHOCOLATE: LOVE IT EVEN MORE.
OH LOOK ITS THE ONLY COP IN ALL THE LAND!! STU ARRESTS LIFE MECHANICS GUY WOOT WOOT. ah the memories of live mechanics i loved those story lines.
I think karl and alex are bonding? could this be a twist? could Karl steal the love of hot bod alex? hmmmm he asks for a few more days......da du duuuuuhhh
"Nude, where’s my jar?" 28/12/05
Some shit about the painting. Sky sees the pills in Elles bag.
It’s the Harry and Dave show folks and today we are tambourine playing. Unfortunately, Dave ain’t got the rhythm. Carmella winds Serena up, HOW I LOVE IT. some photoshoot at bounce, someone better burn that place down soon.
Dylan is doing some shit, for the 20th anniversairy thing, THE PLANE WAHEEY SERENA AND LIL AND THE TAMBORINE MAN WILL BE DEAD SOON. Gee that Luca aka moses kid is gonna be gutted, ah well. Ah remember him, back in the incest days.
Elle is doing some shit, her mum isnt too concerned is she? i mean if i went out to my estranged fathers i think my mum would be a little concerned. Oh well this is neighbours. Paul is all concered about Izzy he is the first women he can be himself around in along time. WAIT ONE MINUTE. Did i just hear this? what about lustfil Lil? Man people are fickle.
Serena is all angry about the photoshoot and is mad at toadie(is it me or her tops getting lower and lower?) hmm anyway he is a hunk apparently. whos cares, not me.
Ned scurries out of the door. some new shit storyline is going to drag i can feel it in my cold inducing bones. Toadie is a little too concered about ned, more hot gay love? you decide. they stalk ned, he catches them, hes cross HE HAS SECRETS YOU KNOW. He tells Stuart that there are things about him that he won’t understand. Or something. I think we are supposed to suspect that Ned is gay. Does it matter? Apparently it does.
Sky the talented Artist, wants more naked love from Dylan, i dont care, you dont care i wont type anymore.
Carmella and Izzy chat at Pauls, carmella says izzy looks ill. Now the woman was taking the pills by her own accord only last week and now she cant tell? WTF neighbours writers sort it out.
Some more serena and sky shit. blah blah shes only alive for a few more weeks so i cant be bothered with her.
Bakc at pauls dylan doesnt get the gig, so no plane? no serena, lusty lil, councillor bishop death..NOOOOOOO ha but i know it happens so i am letting this one slide. Izzy is ill, elle gets her some tea...hmmm i think i might be onto something here.
Back to sky and dylan and then the salvos come back and it is a neighbours trying to be funny but missing the mark well with a pointless scene.
A photo shoot at bouce, mind you, that could have been done in a studio because from where I sit there is nothing in Bounce that could not have been recreated in a studio with far better lighting. This would be why Neighbours would never hire me as a writer, because I’d always be like ‘that’s ridiculous, they would never do that in real life’ and they would go ‘you’re fired’.
Dylan has a hissy fit about them not using his proposal. WHO CARES. back to the caravan for you.
izzy collapses in the funniest way i have ever seen.
'The parent slap' 29/12/05
Right well today was slightly better than yesterday partly as there was no janae and boyd shit or any die die alex die moments. So izzy has collapsed, Paul accuses her of taking those psycho pills again and she gets all mad that he doesn’t believe her, and he makes her take a drug test. The test comes back positive and she accuses Elle of doping her, then she realises that she’s being ridiculous and starts believing that she’s been taking the drugs herself but hasn’t remembered doing so.
Elle feels a bit guilty and races out the front door and tosses the drugs into the bushes out the front of her house – the very bushes I have stood in front of. Ah. Memories. Seems however a bit of a stupid place to put them if you ask me. Elle is not growing on me either, i think i want her killed off.
I didnt understand the whole Lou stealing food thing, and even if i did i cant be bothered with it. Although damn those sausages looked good.
Over at bounce Serena and Lil were pissing me off. I wish it was sooner so she dies.
At the photo shoot, Caramella is completely patronizing to Serena and Lil stands up to her, at which point Caramella tells her that Connor is only with Serena because he got bored while she was away. Lil slaps her one. Serena gets mad at her mum and tells her that this whole business is between Caramella, Connor and herself. For the record, Connor is on annual leave this week, because he hasnt made a single appearance this week. Lucky for me.
Later on, Stu Parker turns up at the general store to tell Liljana that he has been informed of the incident, and that while Caramella hasn’t pressed charges, he should let Lil know that if she eventually does press charges that Lil is probably going to Erinsborough Womens Prison.
Toadie and Ned are having breakfast in the general store and Ned approaches the counter to order a flat white. Flat white? Totally gay. Some random walks in and says ‘Ah, Ned! You were really great last week!’ and Ned looks like he wants the ground to swallow him up. The guy continues, ‘All the guys were really impressed!’ OH MY GOD! Guys, plural? Gay group sex maybe?
Toadie later tells Stu about what he has overheard, and like me, Stu appears completely disinterested.But later on does have a little hey your gay its okay thing with him. Ned is boring and quite frankly a bit of a twat.
Later on, Ned goes round to continue his work on Paul’s backyard, and he encounters Izzy crying on the lounge. This occurs just after her positive drug test comes back. He tells her it will all be okay, and goes in for the pash. She kisses him back and then shoves him away and is all mad that he’s trying to take advantage of her because she is the ‘Scarlet Woman’. Izzy, you know I love you and all, but you did call your bar the ‘Scarlet Bar’, so you have to admit at one stage you were quite proud of that tag.
"Catch me if Roo can" 30/12/05
Another quite clever title form the irony that is the neighbours writers.
Oh so anyway Harold and Lou are in the caravan park while lou is doing/selling/giving food away. I gave up caring along time ago. All i have to say is that if they are giving it away i would be worried i mean they have to pay lou,hazza,lusty lil, tamborine man and sky so and last time i checked they werent exactly raking the money in. Come on hazza think about it, i persoanlly think that they need little rat zeke to do the books.
Karl is at the school doing the once fornightly clean. How he fits it all in i shall never know, and what is this big clean? they only have one classroom and one corridor it cant possibly take very long. Ah well. They have a little chat and Sus is all like whats up doc? haha god i am funny. And karl is all i cant tell you now, i just cant. Then later on he has this like little scene with hazza who tells him that he has to be morally right (remember when hazza left his morals behind? man this was fun esp when he told serena that sky was his fav) anyway back to the programme, karl obviously sees the light and is gonna tell sus about it obv. Poor old Alex NOT. and seriously for a man with cancer he is still fat, im sorry if this offends anyone but i am sure he would have lost some weight by now. this is neighbours time after all.
Anywayz Lynnie and Joe, Max and Steph seem to be getting on like a house on fire. God knows why since last week they hated one another, im thinking it was the talk that boydy gave them. Anywayz apparently max and joe had been bunjee jumping (yea right coming from max the man who was afraid of going in a hot air balloon so didnt. Then we are back to the list i really thought when i heard steph say ‘Oh, I didn’t realise you wanted to do that!’ it must have said ‘Do it with Steph up the bum’ but apparently it said ‘Do stand up comedy’. Max strikes me as a funny cunt so it comes as no surprise to me. Not.
So he gathers a crowd in the Scarlet Bar and does his stand up routine, and he tanks, but as he’s being heckled by Janelle, Staph pushes her forward and says ‘Can you do better?’ and she gets up and does a routine all about her life on the bus with teenagers. Even though her jokes are no better than Max’s, everyone is rolling about the place laughing. But she is a sad clown, and Lyn feels guilty about her tales from the bus, and the next day she invites her back to live at her place. Joe is furious and gives her an ultimatum – it’s either her or the Timmonseses. Yep. Oh yea then steph thinks something is wrong, of course there isnt but doc karl is to the rescue. blahblah
Earlier we see this kid in the coffee shop like I AM TRYING TO HARD TO FIT IN THAT I SHALL NOT BE SEEN BUT THE CAMERA MAN IS MAKING ME LOOK LIKE THIS ON PURPOSE. yea so i blatently knew he was gonna do something and he does, he kidnaps stingray and then gets dylan to come to him. Im sorry but stingray was trying a little too hard to make it look like he didnt want to be kidnapped. this storyline is going to bore me. but his kidnapper is called roo hence the title, oh and dylan grasses on him. who cares. apparently i should, but i dont.
other news, dylan is uglier than ever, steph is having a boy, skys artwork looks like a 5 year olds, and dylan has the murder serena is gonna die soon project back.
neighbours is back on monday along with me, and i shall post the update next friday. Have a happy new year my fellow neighbourettes and dont be too pissed by 9pm. On an other not for all you eastenders fans i feel the need to mention this, dennis is dying tonight and i am not happy about it. i shall probably cry like a moron after drinking too many beers. Oh and the E4 voiceover man is the funniest ever, i am strnagely attracted to him. One Love.