Since this week was one big pile of shite i am recapping by characters. Seriously i know we are behind in the episodes but come on BBC give me something to work with.
Janae and Boyd:
Since when has fucking Boyd become this ideal son? no please share it with me. I fucking hate him DIE DIE DIE ok so i am getting a little carried away. Seriously why is he interested in Janae? he and Sky were such a much better couple and i am still mourning Sky and Dylan getting together to cope with this shit. So they kiss blah blah blah and then Janae doesnt think she is good enough, and Boyd isnt ready for commitment (not really whats going on with character names?) sorry only just noticed that neighbours writers have shit for brains when it comes to names. This is a stupid storyline which is going to go on and on and then will result in them getting together and living happily ever after until Sky and Boyd get back together (which will happen just keep staring at the screen and chanting sky and boyd united together). So then we leave with Janae chanting insults with Janelle (WHAT THE FUCK WITH THE NAMES) and Boyd listening. Well i can tell you next week will just be Boyd and Janae will play silly games. Another exciting week to look forward to.
Joe and Lyn:
My My. I am not going to give much effort to the storyline going on here. Bouncer 5 and this stupid storyline with Audrey.And Janelle stealing the dog to stop Bouncer winning the race. Nope nothing of any interest here. Steph is also being a prize A bitch again, and seems to have this week gone from having no bump to an enormous one. GREAT.
Janelle and the Caravan Park:
Oh look a new set: great. This is another boring storyline that is going on and on can we just not blow the bus up and be done with it? And now Lou lives there in a Tent. Well we didnt see that one coming.
Rachael, Zeke, Fat Face Brie:
Can someone put her on a diet? please. comic moment of neighbours this week was Brie saying how she was going to starve to death because they only had powder milk and cereal. STARVE TO DEATH? erm ok them. I laughed hard i tell you. Brie got stood up on a date to the science fair with rat face Zeke (SEE NAMES?) then he gave her flowers or something, and they are going on another date. And Rachel from the sleepover club (which i happened to watch yesterday and i have decided she is a bitch in that and i cannot see her in any other light) who acts like an innocent little thing was talking to Brie about love (well actually Brie was telling Rachel all about it - if i were Rachel i would have been laughing because Brie has never even kissed a boy but seems to be able to write a book about it) which is also boring. Oh and Stingray went over to the halfway house of Susan to beat up Zeke (who i might add looks more and more like a ferret everytime i see him) Susan saves the day. Hurrah. Thats about it for them.
Susan, Alex, Karl:
OMG KARL IS BACK thank goodness noone has had an accident since he has been gone. Its ok Steph you can now go into Labour. Alex proposing to Susan again. This time she says yes. The kids - including Bree - all run in and have a group hug. I’m sure Susan’s realised she’ll have a couple of stepkids, but I can’t help but wonder if she realises she’s adopting Bree Timmins into her family as well.
Susan tells Rachel and Zeke all about her 3 kids, which is handy as we get a little history lesson about Ramsay Street. She tells them where each of her children are now, and I can’t help but wonder… PLEASE CAN JESSE SPENCER FAIL IN THE US AND COME BACK TO ME.
Later on that night, Alex collapses in Susan’s kitchen. He manages to get up, but Susan comes in and tells him he doesn’t look well. Susan and the kids fuss over him the next day and he tells them it’s just the flu. But alas, Alex never turns up for work the next day. Rachel and Zeke worry away, wondering where he could be. And where is he? Talking to… that creepy Life Mechanics guy! I was so hoping he’d revisit Erinsborough. Apparently he is now a spiritual healer. He offers Alex 6 weeks worth of healing sessions for the bargain price of $5,000. Alex agrees, and the creepy guy (whose name escapes me) starts doing some voodoo shit on him.
Karl is concerned that Alex has not told his children that he is dying from the disease-with-the-cool-name-a-loma. Alex insists this is because he’s not dying, because he’s seeing the life mechanics guy who will heal him. And allegedly, since seeing the healer he’s been feeling a lot better – which is why he’s asking Karl to upgrade his medication, I guess. Later, Karl bumps into Susan at the Scarlet Bar and they go back to her place to look at photos of his trip. Karl has one of those little puffy photo albums with actual printouts of 5x7 photos. So nineties – I love it. Stingray comes in to say something pointless, but to advance the plot he says ‘Congratulations on the engagement, Suze’.
Karl is taken aback, not in a bad way, just in a ‘what the fucking-fuck?’ kind of way. Which makes it all the more comical when Alex enters and sees Karl. Karl realises that Alex hasn’t told Susan about his supercalifrajalisticexpialidocious-a-pho
But then he decides to go right back!
He walks in and demands a word with Alex, but Susan totally kicks him out. Later, Alex goes to Karl’s surgery and threatens him not to break his confidentiality. I LOVE IT. one of the better storylines this week.
Max and Steph:
Steph as i said earlier is being a bitch. I used to like her but i have changed my mind. Max well he is on my hit list at the moment with Alex and Boyd. Oh and Serena KILL HER ( shes ok though as i know she is going die and i cannot wait) Max is doing that proud parent look i wish i could do it but it is fab. He crosses his arms and sort of smiles smugly. Hes always doing it with Boyd. A key example of this was when Steph and Joe were fighting and Boyd jumped up and told them all to calm down. Max did it then. AMAZING. Other than that they are boring so i am moving on. Oh Steph got her hair done and it look no different, but Lynny did sneak her a hair treatment for free. WHY DOESNT THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
Paul, Izzy, Elle:
Elle is pissing me off already. This is a really boring storyline and ensues a long drawn-out snooze-fest which ultimately ends with Paul believing Izzy over Elle. Whatever.
Toadie, Stu, Ned and Erinsborough Comp. :
Toadie and Stu convince Lou to enter, and somehow get him to believe he has a chance of winning wearing a tiny speedo. They tell him he looks just like David Hasslehoff in his speedos. Before he can get to the competition, Harold spots him in all his glory and drags him over to Toadie and Stu and gets them to admit it was all a practical joke. I am very disappointed, as I was waiting on the edge of my seat to see Lou enter the competition and be laughed off the stage.
Later on at the house o’ trouser, Lou and Toadie have a bit of a hallmark moment where Toadie apologises to Lou and tells him he thinks of him as a father. Then there must be a scene that didn’t make it past the cutting room floor, because before we know it, the writers are trying to get more use out of their new set by moving Lou into a tiny tent at the West Waratah Caravan Park.
Back at the competition, Ned is all nervous because he is unlucky contestant number 13. He’s all ready to get out onto the walkway when he gets a case of the nerves, and to settle him down, big brother Stu offers to give him some moral support by getting his gear off and walking with him, which I guess satisfies the partial nudity clause in Blair McDonough’s contract.
After Ned and Stu strut their stuff on stage, Lil announces that they have a last minute entrant. Joe Mangel walks out wearing footy gear and a blonde mullet. After a brief discussion, the judges announce there has been a tie for first place, between Ned and Joe. Now, first of all, ignoring the fact that Joe looks like a bogan loser in a bad wig, the judges are Serena, Sky, and Lil. Unless I am mistaken, I believe that 3 cannot be evenly divided by 2. How on earth did they manage to come up with a tie? Secondly, even if Joe was a serious contender, I think there’s a bit of nepotism going on here with his daughter being a judge and all. But anyway, the judges confer again and decide to award first place to Ned, but only because Joe didn’t buy his outfit from the bikini shop. Shame, that.
Carmella, Serena, Connor:
Please share with me how Connor manages to get all these fit women fighting over him? Hmmm. Carmella is back and Serena is acting all loved up now cos you know shes an adult and connor loves her. Neighbours time moves so quickly. Before long she will be pregnant - she might even beat steph to it. Lil and David are all loved up, im sorry i was going to write a seperate area for them but i changed my mind. And Harold looks really coked up at the moment. Just an observation. Blah Blah boring stuff going on.
So thats all for now. i cannot be bothered to write anymore about any of the shit that is going on. But hey join me next week for more fun. I am going to get drunk as it is christmas. Oh have a good one and dont forget that neighbours is on next week except on monday. But hey if you miss it i doubt you will be missing much.
Oh people if you know any neighbours fans sign them up!